Easter

Our first easter without  Brian. Another family event without Brian. Tears while coloring easter eggs, at church, and holding them back while at the dinner table as I look jealously at all the people with husbands and boyfriends still breathing and talking and getting a family day.  Lucky ducks. They still have someone to roll eyes at and be annoyed with.  What I wouldn't give for Brian to piss me off with his 50th "do you need anything before I get home" phone call of the day. What I wouldn't give to be agrivated that he was in the way of the kids when I was trying to get video of them hunting for easter eggs.  I was "Happy to be stuck with you" Brian(he LOVED Huey Lewis and the News). I am not resentful that my sisters and mom and mother in law all still have thier husbands. I am just hoping that they look at me know how lucky they are(all good guys).  I think they do,  I know how lucky I was...now.  Truth be told, it is hard to remember sometimes but after a time when he would drive me crazy I would calm down and realize I was lucky.....until his propensity for being what we all like to call "Nudge" would raise it head.  Thanking God that my last words(that I know for sure he heard) were a happy' "I love you "instead of an annoyed "Yeah, whatever...I'll see you for christ's sake...I'm Busy here!"  

I also keep finding "signs" that he is still here.  Not in that psychic way some people are able to access(more lucky ducks) but for me its like the picture I have  here. Took about 20 pics of us to try and get a non-washed out one and then this one has a ray of ligh beaming right on us.  I know many people would dimiss this as nothing but given other "signs" I have experienced I think this is Brian. Especially because I said to the kids "this could be one of our Christmas card pictures" right before it was taken.  Guess he still wants to be in the Christmas card photos.  I will oblige and and give into the Nudge from heaven.