I am sitting at home between hospital visits to my husband back in January. It has been about two and a half weeks since he fell from a roof and suffered severe head trauma along with multiple injuries. I know the end is around the corner. The Dr's had to drop the "Quality of Life" ton of brincks on me just days before. Everyone keeps saying how strrong I have been and what a great wife etc, etc. I fall apart often since the moment I was notified by the police officer at my door. Most people don't see it and I never have a GD kleenex because I never know when I am going to fall apart in front of people.
Before I left for the Hospital that morning I saw what looked like an interesting Oprah and the commercial made me think it had something to do with someone miraculously waking up from a coma. I debated whether I should watch it. Would it give me false hope? I was starting to cope with the reality that I might have to decide to end care for my Brian. Wasn't sure but I'll watch the first few minutes and see what happens.
Parents of three children who died in an horrific car accident are the guests. They are talking a lot about grief. Oprah asks them how they were able speak at the funeral for thier three children. They talk about how you have to "walk through the grief". I am amazed by thier strength and story and wonder what my gief will be like. I am crying, sobbing and Oprah looks at the camera and it feels like she is speaking directly to me(man she is good) and says.." No matter What you are going through right now...You CAN get through it!" It was so stern and sympathetic at the same time. As I have been going through this whole ordeal those words and words of those greiving parents resonate daily. I have also been blessed with an amazing family and freinds and support network and by God(or maybe its been Brian himself) putting a path in front of me to follow as I walk through that grief with our two beautiful kids.
One of the latest examples of this was that on my Birthday I had to go to the wake of the mother of my sister's best friend. At the wake the woman's granddaughter was looking at pictures with me and I noted that it looked like she was a hoot and had great fun. I asked about her grandfather. "Oh he passed away when she was in her 40's. He had been sick and she cared for him until he died". From the pictures I saw I never would have guessed she had that happen to her at my own age. Then she lost a daughter just a few years ago. And yet as she was dying with cancer she was laughing and asking for a beer and enjoying life to the fullest. I certainly didn't want be at wake on my Birthday especially not my "first" birthday but maybe I was there so I could see that things can get better then they are now and to reinforce what I had heard that dark January afternoon coming from my TV(or from somewhere higher).. Maybe it IS like those parents said you have to walk through the grief. Maybe it IS like Oprah said... No matter what you are faced with now...you can get through it.
1 comment:
Thank you for this. Walk through your grief, is helpful to know. You are blessed to have supportive friends and family and support network by God and Brian himself; putting a path for you to follow as you walk through that grief with your children.
My husband Cesar died suddenly last April 2011 of leukemia. We didn't even know he was that ill. He leaves behind 2 children age 6 and 3 and family and friends. I have also been blessed to have support from my family, in-laws and friends to walk through this grief.
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