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| 11/2010 Thanksgiving Weekend |
Its been a while since I've written. I thought that as this went on it would get easier. There are some things that honestly are getting easier. Taking out the trash on Monday nights, for instance. Its something that Brian did for 17yrs. He started doing that for me when we dated. It seemed daunting to add that job at first. It includes kitty litter...a real joy to clean..not! My Dad did it for me the first few weeks but then I decided I needed to do it. At first, I was angry on those Monday nights. And then guilty because I never really appreciated that Brain did this no matter how tired he was without complaints. Now I do it. Shake my fist at heaven, look at the grease stains from his truck still on our driveway and thank him for always doing this but laugh to myself and joke with him that I'll never forgive him for leaving me with kitty litter duty!
(On a side note... I have given my 8yr old the job of getting the upstairs trash for me so I guess I am getting more help then he had)
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| If only we knew what 2010 would bring |
On the other hand, as hard as I thought the summer was, the fall and winter are weighing on me. Oct 21st would have been our 16th Anniversary
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| Best Conga Line Ever! |
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| Last time we got pictures of us as a family |
Then Halloween, Thanksgiving, the anniversary of his accident, Christmas, New years, anniversary of his death and his birthday. At a time like this having Children makes everything better and at the same time harder. You do everything you can so that they can be carefree and enjoy what kids should enjoy. But seeing that and looking around you don't have those eyes to look at across the room so you can communicate "Look at OUR kids having fun. Look what we made!". Their Dad isn't in the other room for me to call to "Brian! Come see this!". He's not around so that I feel like I can hold a holiday dinner with the family and then argue with him that whole morning as we frantically clean the house for our guests. I would love to leave town on 12/20 and not come back till Jan 2nd. Sit on beach somewhere and not worry about holidays. But that is unfair to both Brian's memory and our kids.
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| Birthday 2009 |
This the part of the walk that is steep and hard with lots of things to trip over. I may come out bruised and tired but I suppose that when Spring comes next year I will be stronger for the climb.
Then Halloween, Thanksgiving, the anniversary of his accident, Christmas, New years, anniversary of his death and his birthday. At a time like this having Children makes everything better and at the same time harder. You do everything you can so that they can be carefree and enjoy what kids should enjoy. But seeing that and looking around you don't have those eyes to look at across the room so you can communicate "Look at OUR kids having fun. Look what we made!". Their Dad isn't in the other room for me to call to "Brian! Come see this!". He's not around so that I feel like I can hold a holiday dinner with the family and then argue with him that whole morning as we frantically clean the house for our guests. I would love to leave town on 12/20 and not come back till Jan 2nd. Sit on beach somewhere and not worry about holidays. But that is unfair to both Brian's memory and our kids.
